A Fushigi Yuugi Plane Ride
by Shinku Yousai
Summary: The seishi and the mikos are taking a trip to London, but must survive the plane trip first. Very tiny ep 38 spoiler.


# 

_A Fushigi Yuugi Plane Ride_

### By Shinku Naito and Shinku Yôsai

_Nakago observed his 15 companions with absolute horror. _

The um… interesting group sat in the lounge of Tokyo's Narita Airport. Nakago catalogued the actions his fellow seishi and their mikos. Soi was drinking a Frappachino with one hand and clinging to Nakago with the other. He glanced over to the quiet, sedate group. Amiboshi had his Walkman glued to his ears, Chiriko was reading a copy of Popular Mechanics, and Mitsukake was reading some health magazine. Yui was reading some very thick 'airport' novel she'd picked up on a whim (and was already 2/3 done), next to Suboshi who, surprisingly, was reading Tom Clancy's 'Rainbow Six,' and Chichiri was sitting behind them, cross-legged, on one of the chairs, meditating. 

Tasuki and Tamahome were in an argument (over nothing in particular), Miaka was happily stuffing her face with M&M's, Nuriko was brushing Hotohori's hair as the Emperor admired himself in his travel hand-mirror, and Miboshi was teasing Ashitare with a cat toy. Tomo was at the customer service desk, arguing with a steward, who was telling Tomo that his makeup and headdress would be a disturbance to his fellow passengers, and might damage the aircraft's upholstery. All the other passengers in the lounge were giving the group a wide berth. 

Then, thankfully, they were all otherwise occupied. "Flight BA444 to London Heathrow is now boarding through gate number 4." 

The group got up, gathered their bags, and headed for the gate. All, that is, except one. Amiboshi still sat with his music, blissfully unaware that there was an outside world. Suboshi had to hit his twin with his book to get him up. 

Nakago silently cursed the mikos for suggesting this "vacation" to London. Seiryuu knows WHY they had decided this, but they had claimed it would be a fun, new, and interesting experience. And interesting it would be. Their seats, in Club Class, occupied all of the upper deck of the aircraft, so, thankfully, no one would be there to see the mayhem. 

**(Yôsai: Yo, Naito, where'd they get the money for this? For that matter, how'd they all end up in the real world, with their memories, etc.?) **

(Naito: How the f*** should I know?) 

(Y: You're the f***ing author?) 

(N: Well, I don't care! Why are you being so anal retentive?) 

(Y: I shouldn't have taught you that…That's become your favorite phrase) 

(N: No, it hasn't. My favorite is, "High yield explosive warhead.") 

(Y: Oh, good grief…) 

About half of them had shown their tickets when it came to be Miaka's turn. "Your ticket, madam?" asked the clerk in a sedate, uninterested voice. 

"Ticket? What ticket? I don't have a ticket." 

A muffled, "Oh, God," was heard in the crowd behind. However, Yui stepped in. 

"This is Yuuki Miaka. Her ticket number is BA023743-6571912-34857. Look it up." Then, to an astonished Miaka, "I memorized it, because I knew this would happen." The rest of the seishi boarded without incident. 

The polite crewmembers on the aircraft directed the seishi to the upper deck of the Boeing 747-200, and Yui quickly helped explain Miaka's predicament, so she, too, had no problems. After the group had settled comfortably into their seats, Nakago looked around to see where everyone was sitting. He and Soi were in the front row, with Miaka and Tama-home-boy across the aisle. Behind him sat Amiboshi and Chichiri, across from Yui and Suboshi. Yui was attempting to ignore her seatmate as she tried to engross herself in her book. Further back, behind his miko, sat the odd paring of Tomo and Tasuki, neither particularly happy with the arrangement. Tasuki had cursed loudly and repeatedly upon learning his seat assignment for the rather long flight. Across from them sat Mitsukake and Chiriko, who was petting Tama-neko. Nakago wondered how the healer had smuggled his cat on board. In the very back sat Hotohori and Nuriko, behind Mitsukake, and across the aisle were the freaks, who the Emperor was eyeing with disdain. 

The wary flight crew began offering the group orange juice and water before takeoff, part of the normal procedure. Most took one or the other, but when Tasuki was asked what he would like, he immediately piped up, "Sake! Sakesakesakesakesake!" 

The stewardess looked somewhat worried, but then said, "Um, sir, we are not allowed to serve alcohol until the plane takes off," apparently not realizing that Tasuki was underage to begin with. 

**(N: *Sarcasm evident* What a shame. He doesn't look underage anyway)**

She also failed to notice the tip of his tessen poking out from behind his head. "WHAT?!?! Whadaya mean no booze?" he yelled. 

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but that's the law," the ever polite, yet slightly nervous, stewardess replied. All the seishi had turned to witness the confrontation. 

Tasuki turned bright red to match his hair, then pulled out his tessen and cried, "F*** the law! REKKA," here, Tasuki suddenly changed the direction of his tessen to point behind him, "SHIEN!!!" A plaintive baby's cry and the howling of a wolf could be heard from the smoking seats behind, but, remarkably, both freaks emerged from the smoke unharmed. The stewardess, shocked, considered whether or not to attempt to confiscate the dangerous item, but decided against. She simply moved on, continuing with her duties, leaving a fuming Tasuki behind. As the flight went crashing down the runway, the safety video came on, and all watched with at least a pretended interest. Except Tamahome, who fell asleep after the third word, so Tasuki had to lean over and break Tomo's water glass over the sleeping lug's head (well, he didn't have _to, but he did anyway). _

Then they were in the air and the drinks came around. Nakago had a Surge, Soi had a bottle of mineral water, Miaka had a Coke and ten or eleven bags of peanuts, Tamahome also had a Surge, as did Suboshi and Tomo. Amiboshi and Chichiri had Sprites, Yui had a Diet Coke, Mitsukake and Chiriko had Peach Iced Teas… 

**(N: Damn, that stuff's good. Excuse the authors as they visit the fridge…) **

(Y: Teeheehee…) 

(N: That's Iced Teaheehee…*g*). 

Tasuki had three bottles of gin (he cried when they didn't have sake), Hotohori and Nuriko shared a bottle of champagne, and the freak show also had a pair of Surge's. 

Then came dinner. All chose, but Miaka chose more. Actually, she chose SIX dinners. There was a collective sweatdrop. Moments after her meals had been delivered, there was nothing left. The food, the drinks, and even the plates, were gone, utterly and completely. The others ate in mostly peaceable silence, channel surfing on their mini-screens, looking for at least semi-decent movies. 

Nakago and Soi both decided on Terminator 2, Judgement Day,_ Miaka was engrossed in an episode of_ The Iron Chef,_ next to Tamahome, who was watching _Richie Rich._ Suboshi was watching _Independence Day,_ while Yui was watching _Empire of the Sun_ for the third time. Amiboshi was watching _Music from the Heart_ with Meryl Streep, and Chichiri, who was actually a closet yet avid _X-Files_ fan, was watching _Fight the Future._ Tasuki-chan was watching _Firestorm,_ while Tomo sat doing his makeup for two straight hours, Mitsukake was watching _ER_ episodes (and repeatedly making comments on the apparent stupidity of the doctors), while Chiriko read. Hotohori and Nuriko were watching _Speed_, while Ashitare watched _Dances with Wolves_ and Miboshi was glued to some episode of _Sesame Street.

Eventually, the movies ended, the flight crew retreated, and the lights went out. About half an hour later, Miaka called out, "Is anyone asleep?" She was met by 14 no's, a growl and a "meow." "Oh. Then let's play TRUTH OR DARE!!!!!!!!!" 

A collective, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" echoed through the cabin, led by Tasuki-chan. 

Then, a lone, commanding, "Yes." All turned to the speaker, a boy about Chiriko's age, dressed all in black. "Oh, I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here. Well, I'm Shinku Naito, and I'm the author, so I'm manipulating you all. And, ya know, I'm beginning to see why Nakago likes it so much. You may remember me from my sister Yôsai's fic, where you're about to go to a prom. She's hanging around, too, by the way. And I'm going to be mean to those I don't like, so too bad. There's gonna be 5 minutes in heaven later, so be good or you get Ashitare." All of those present facevaulted. 

"Aw, f***, we're in a fic? Kuso!" cried everyone's (or, at least, Yôsai's) favorite redhead. 

"Can you really make us do anything no da?" Chichiri asked. 

**(Y: Why's he asking this? 'Course he knows you can!) **

(N: Yeah, but wait till you see what happens next!) 

Naito grinned maniacally, then pointed to Tamahome. Suddenly, the blue-haired seishi's nose grew five inches, his ears got very pointy, and his clothes turned to an elf suit. Tamahome looked down, then touched his ears and nose, then cried like a baby on Miaka's shoulder. Everyone else just stared. Breaking the silence, Tasuki laughed like hell. Soon, almost everyone was cracking up (except Nakago, who of course would never laugh. He just smirked). Nakago stood up and went to speak with the rather small author, to make 'arrangements' for later. When Tamahome's crying had reached shrieking level, Naito shook his head and said, "Oh God," then he pointed and zapped Tamahome's face back to normal (well, if you can call his face normal). Naito laughed evilly, then said, "But he keeps the clothes! Goodbye." Then he faded away, and the group made a sort of circle, by turning towards the middle. And prepared for doom. 

Yui piped up, "Look, we'd better not mess with the author, so I'll go first. Umm…hmm…okay, Amiboshi, Truth or Dare?" Amiboshi looked over, nervously. 

"Ah, truth," he said. 

Her sedate little grin turned to a devilish smirk, as she said, "Did you enjoy lying on top of Miaka when you 'healed' her?" Amiboshi eeped. Miaka, Tamahome, Yui, and Subi looked on with interest, the others less, but still very… amused. Amiboshi hemmed and hawed, trying to think of a way out of the question. Unfortunately none presented itself. The others waited patiently. 

Finally he said, "Um, ya know, I really have to go to the bathroom…I'll be right back." He stood, but there was a voice from above. 

**(N: No, it's too fun to have you here. Besides, the bathroom's right in front of Nakago).**

"Oh," said Amiboshi, who sat, and continued his stalling. Finally, when Tasuki's tessen was in his hand and Nakago's kokoro was shining bright blue, he cried out, "YES!! I did!" and launched himself in Miaka's direction. However, Tamahome stood, his sign glowing red, and Amiboshi stopped in midair **(N: Yes, he can do that)** and floated to the deck. Once he returned to his seat, he realized it was his turn to choose. Looking around, his eyes landed on his victim, who was sitting right next to him. "Chichiri! Truth or Dare?" 

Chichiri calmly said, "Dare." 

**(Y: Why'd he do that? He's too smart to say dare!) **

(N: Because I'm manipulating him, of course!) 

Amiboshi grinned. "Cut off your bangs, right here, right now." Chichiri looked at his seatmate, a hurt expression on his mask's face. 

"Ano, I don't have scissors no da!" 

Tasuki jumped up, grabbing the tessen turned short sword, and yelled, "I'll help!" Shwing._ Chichiri looked down at the long locks of blue hair in his hands and looked about ready to do something irrational. However, he looked up almost calmly to find someone to get at. _

"Soi! Truth or Dare no da?" he said. She looked a little startled. 

"Umm…DARE!" she said. 

"Kiss Ashitare!" Chichiri cried. Soi looked a little sick, and then looked to Nakago for help, who quickly feigned sleep. She stood and approached the back of the cabin, determined to get the ordeal over with quickly. Soi kissed him…or it…whatever, quickly, then tried to move away. Unfortunately for her, Ashitare pounced on her and threw her to the ground, then started licking her face. But before this whole situation turned into something worthy of a lemon fic, Nakago stood and chi blasted the wolfman back to his seat. Soi ran to the bathroom to clean up, then returned to choose someone. 

She turned to her own seatmate. "Nakago-sama, Truth or Dare?" she asked sweetly. 

"Dare," replied the shogun. 

"THROW THOSE STUPID FREAKS (I mean Miboshi and Ashitare, for those who haven't figured it out) RIGHT OUT THE DOOR OF THE PLANE!!!" Nakago smirked. 

"With pleasure, my dear." He stood, too quickly for the two in the back to make a move, and with one hand blasted open the upper deck door, while with the other he blasted the freaky baby and the wolfman out and into free fall. Everyone hurried to one side of the plane to watch the freaks plummet, none too gently, towards the earth. 

**(N: Before my sister says anything, yes, I know, the plane should explosively depressurize and crash, killing all aboard, but it won't. Oh, well…)**

Nakago gently closed the door and returned to his seat. Soi turned to him and kissed him. "Thank you, Nakago-sama," she purred. He nodded, gave the cabin a once over, then chose his own victim. 

"Hotohori, Truth or Dare?" asked the Seiryuu. 

Hotohori looked…unamused, but he said, "Truth." 

"Do you love Nuriko?" He eeped. Nuriko looked up at him with a puppy-dog face. Finally Hotohori spoke. 

"Well, of course I love Nuriko." Nuriko's eyes started to roll back in his head, but before he could faint of happiness, and before everyone else's jaws could hit the deck, Hotohori continued. "Nuriko is a trusted advisor and a very good friend, so of course I love him." 

Nakago shook his head. "That was not the question," he said. 

"But it was. You asked if I loved Nuriko. I replied. End of story," the Emperor said. 

"Then let me rephrase the question. Would you ever have sex with Nuriko?" the shogun asked. Hotohori eeped again, then looked to the ceiling. 

"He is not allowed to do that, is he?" 

**(N: Of course he is. Now be a good boy and answer the man's question).**

"Well, um, I suppose there could be unforeseen circumstances…" Hotohori trailed off as the thump of Nuriko passing out and falling on the floor was heard. 

"So, was that a yes?" Miaka asked in her special (read: irritating) voice. Hotohori looked around nervously, encountering only the twelve sets of eyes in front of him. 

"Um, well, maybe…" 

"Was that_ a yes?" Tamahome asked, eager to get a proper answer out of the Emperor. _

"YES! Yes, yes, yes, already, now leave me alone!" the Emperor wailed, and Nuriko was just in time waking up to hear this and promptly pass out again. 

Hotohori, of course, had to have his revenge on Tama-home-boy. "Tamahome! Truth or Dare?" he asked. 

"Dare!" called the younger seishi. 

"I, Hotohori, dare you, Tamahome, to kiss Nakago!" called Hotohori. Tamahome looked slightly pale, but got up and walked across the aisle to the shogun. 

"An' make it good, Obake-chan!" called the wee bit tipsy (read: totally plastered) Tasuki. Tamahome ignored Tasuki and quickly kissed Nakago on the lips. Nakago, however, did not let the younger man go. He then picked Tamahome up and carried him into the bathroom. Several shrieks were heard, then silence. Luckily, with the door closed, the group and the gentle **(Y: Yeah, right…*snicker*)** readers were spared a lemon fic…or whatever, as we're pretending no one knows what's up in there. A few seconds later, the captain switched on the seatbelt sign as the plane passed through an area of high turbulence. The seishi looked out the windows and saw lightning in the clouds below, then noted that Soi, at the front of the cabin, was positively fuming. 

Tomo grumbled from the back, "That electric eel…that high voltage harlot…look what she's done! I'm getting ill!" At this, Tasuki turned green and grabbed for an airsick bag. Everyone else looked away, and tried to calm their own stomachs. 

Then, suddenly, the bathroom disappeared in a flash of red light, and then emerged Tamahome, gasping for air. Twenty seconds later, his shirt followed, on Nakago's head. The shogun's shirt was not in evidence. Miaka yelled, "TAMA(*gasp*)HOME!!" Then caught him as he fell, crying, into her arms. 

Nakago looked over to Soi, then said slyly, "You know, Soi, I'm all pumped up…" 

Soi looked up at him sweetly, then stood up and blew Nakago to the back of the cabin with a bolt of lightning. **(Y: GO GIRL!)** "I believe it's Tamahome's turn," said Soi, then sat back down. 

Tamahome observed the cabin, then grinned evilly and cried, "YUI! Truth or Dare?" 

Yui looked confused, then yelled, "DARE!" 

"KISS AMIBOSHI, AND MAKE IT GOOD!" 

Suboshi's eyes bugged out and he shoved his head through the chair in front him as so not to have to watch, but Tamahome grabbed his hair and made him. 

Amiboshi and Yui moved together, then into a kiss. Suboshi wailed "LADY YUI!!" and moaned. They held it for 30 seconds, a minute, two, five, ten minutes. Suboshi passed out twice. 

They finally broke, and then Yui commented, "You're almost as good a kisser as your brother," then she smiled and winked at Subi, who was now ½ way through Tamahome's chair, and being held by his hair. Though he was in such an odd position, he managed to smile back, then faint again. 

Yui looked around at those remaining, then, "Mitsukake, Truth or Dare?" 

Mitsukake considered, then responded, "Dare." Yui grinned. 

"Let Tomo and Soi give you a makeover!" He paled, but Soi and Tomo jumped up enthusiastically, Tomo's makeup case in hand. The other's turned to their video screens and awaited the outcome. 

20 minutes later, the group looked upon the healer. The pair of Seiryuu seishi had poured on the eye shadow, blush, and lipstick. And, for the hell of it, had dyed his hair neon green, then streaked it purple. Tasuki looked at him, paused, then shook the plane with his laughter. They all joined in his good humor. Even Mitsukake laughed, until he saw himself in Tomo's hand mirror, at which point he cried, though Chiriko tried to comfort them. 

Then his thoughts turned to revenge. "Tomo, Truth or Dare?!" 

"Truth!" cried the painted freak. 

"Who, in your opinion, is the most bishounen seishi, aside from Nakago?" Tomo looked over his fellow seishi with an observant eye. He then looked up to the ceiling. 

"Ah, authors? Could one of you come down here a moment?" There was a flash of red light and there stood a girl with long brown hair, black clothing, and a smirk. 

"AAH!!! IT'S HER!!!" cried half a dozen of the seishi (we won't name names). 

"Yes, it is I! Shinku Yôsai, author of DOOM! No, really, what's everyone's problem? I haven't even been mean to anyone yet! How could I? 'Seishi Prom' isn't even half done!" exclaimed the sixteen year-old. At this, several seishi paled. "Well, look, I got called to provide assistance. What do you want?" she asked Tomo. Tomo motioned her over, then whispered something in her ear. She gave him an odd look, but then snapped her fingers. 

No one saw any change for a moment, but then Amiboshi cried, "Ah! Chichiri! Your mask!" The blue-haired (and newly shorn) seishi looked down to see his mask in his hands. 

"Why me no da?" he whined. Tomo gave the seishi a look, then did a double take. 

"D*MN! Chichiri! You're HOT!" cried Tomo. Chichiri looked about ready to pass out, but instead simply closed his eye and tried to pretend he wasn't there. Tomo had, by this time, hopped out of his seat and was lunging for Chichiri, but Yôsai stopped him dead in the air and turned to his seatmate. 

"Tasuki-chan? Would you be good enough to flame this painted freak?" she asked. The seishi eyed her warily. 

"Why should I? You've f***in' got me in a tux!" he said. She rolled her eyes. 

"Look, maybe there's something you'd like to happen later in my fic? Or whatever? I am the sole author of that one, I could arrange it," she told him. He considered it, then nodded. 

"So, what? What can I do for you in 'Seishi Prom'?" she asked. He motioned her over. He, too, whispered something in her ear. She smiled. "With pleasure," she said, then stepped out of the way as Tasuki grabbed for his tessen. 

"REKKA SHIEN!" he cried, in an instant turning Tomo into a burnt crisp. **(N: Yo, neechan, what did he say?)** Yôsai looked up. 

"Tasuki? No way. If you want to find out, read Seishi Prom." Then she turned to Chichiri. "For handling that mental pain so well," she said, then snapped her fingers. His mask returned to his face and his hair was restored. 

"DAA!! My hair!" he cried, touching the newly restored bangs. 

"Ya see, I can be nice!" she said, then snapped her fingers and disappeared in another flash of red light. 

Tomo wheezed and coughed, then croaked, "Nuriko, Truth or Dare?" 

Nuriko gave the scorched seishi a look, then, calmly, said, "Dare." The next words were barely audible but painfully clear. 

"Do a strip show for the entire World Traveller front cabin." 

Nuriko looked pale, and then nearly passed out when a boom box appeared, ready for use in the crazy dare. Tomo passed out and was left on the floor, while very quietly the entire group trooped downstairs and through the lower deck cabins full of sleeping people. Most of the flight attendants still on duty were half asleep anyway, so no one questioned their actions. Tasuki, with the other seishi in the back of the cabin, set up the boom box and Nuriko got into position in the front. Looking a little ill, Nuriko nodded to Tasuki, who turned the volume WAY up, then hit play. 

The blasting music of 'I'm Too Sexy' woke the startled passengers. Nuriko began dancing and doing a strip tease. Some of the passengers looked mortified, others very annoyed, and some actually seemed to be enjoying it. The seishi, for their part, were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. However, Nuriko had only gotten his shirt off (and tossed it at a group of particularly amused looking teenage girls) 

**(N: That you down there?) **

(Y: Nope, just Ritz and some girls I know from her writing) 

when a flight attendant burst into the cabin and confiscated the boom box, then ordered the seishi back to the upper deck, scolding them all the way. 

The seishi reconvened in their seats, then turned to Nuriko (whose shirt had reluctantly been returned to him by the girls, several of whom had looked very familiar to the purple haired seishi). He eyed the group. "Chiriko, Truth or Dare?" The youngest seishi looked up from the book he was reading, startled. 

"Um, truth?" He said. Nuriko decided to be kind. 

"Who do you love more … Mitsukake or Tama-neko?" 

"That's easy…TAMA!" Mitsukake looked hurt, but Tama jumped from the healer's head to Chiriko's shoulder and meowed happily. 

Chiriko looked around. "Tasuki-chan, Truth or Dare?" By this time, he was obviously tanked off his hieney. 

"F***! DARE!!!" cried the painfully intoxicated Suzaku seishi. 

"Name pi to fifteen decimal places, and if you cannot, you have to kiss a goose!" 

"F***, I can't do that!" Chiriko looked up, and, sure enough, a goose appeared in Fangboy's lap. "I ain't kissin' that f***ing thing!!!" 

**(N: Yes you are. Hey, this is fun!) **

(Y: But Naito, my Tasuki-chan! Oops, did I say that out loud?) 

(N: Hell, he's so drunk he doesn't know his own name. I'm surprised he's still conscious.) 

Tasuki looked down, then kissed the thing passionately. He went on doing that until he fell over and passed out temporarily. When he awoke, he stammered, "Miaka, Truth or Dare," before falling over again. 

"Truth," she piped, though she was unsure if Tasuki was even conscious. 

"Did you an' Fluteboy get down n' funky when you two were hangin' out?" he slurred, only just coherently. Miaka looked a little startled. 

"Ah, I don't understand the question, Tasuki. Could you repeat it?" she asked, knowing full well he had just passed out for the umpteenth and final time. 

Nuriko piped up. "I think what our inebriated friend is trying to say is, did something happen between you and Amiboshi?" Miaka looked like she was about to try and get out of the question when she jumped up and shouted. 

"YES! Amiboshi is HOT! I love you, Kô-chan!" 

Amiboshi smiled and called back, "I love you, Miaka!" 

Suboshi, needless to say, was looking extremely pale. Ghost white, actually. The next action of his twin and the Suzaku no miko was no help at all. The pair flew out of their seats and into a passionate embrace, then Amiboshi frenched Miaka, who was whole-heartedly enjoying it. Suboshi keeled over into the aisle with a thump, and Tamahome was not far behind, landing on top of the Seiryuu psycho. Yui looked from Amiboshi to Miaka, attempting, at this point, to distinguish one body from the other, and said, quietly, "Oh, my, I think I feel faint. Suboshi, catch me." With that, she, too, keeled over. Suboshi jumped up, caught his miko, laid her gently in her seat, and then promptly passed out again. By the way, Miaka and Amiboshi were still kissing unabashedly. Nakago was looking disgusted. Then Miaka fainted from lack of oxygen and Amiboshi carried her back to her seat, having to step over the pile of bodies in the aisle. 

Then, when she regained consciousness, she sighed and said, "Suboshi, Truth or Dare?" 

Subi had regained coherence, and said, "Dare." 

The miko replied, "Yui, if Shun-chan is half as good as his twin, this is a favor. You two, in the bathroom, NOW!" Yui and Suboshi looked at each other, then Subi hopped up excitedly and carried off his miko, who was wearing an idiot's grin. 

As the pair disappeared, Tamahome jumped up and cried, "I'm gonna kill you, Amiboshi!" The smaller seishi also jumped up. 

"Yeah, you and what army?" 

"ARRRGGGGG!!! You bleep bleep bleepin little bleep seishi bleeper bleepin bleep bleep bleepin Seiryuu bleep," yelled Tamahome as he launched himself forward. 

Amiboshi sidestepped the oncoming mass, and hit his opponent square in the small of his back. Tamahome yelped and fell to the ground. Amiboshi (whom everyone was cheering for, at this point) produced one of his innumerable tin flutes, and shoved it up Tama-home-boy's ass (quite literally, mind you). Tama jumped, eeped, cursed the Seiryuu, then came crashing down, the flute still firmly wedged in his ass. Then Miaka commented, "Since truth or dare has apparently become 5 minutes in heaven, I'll pass out numbers." The seishi got their numbers, then waited. 

It was just over a half an hour before the pair emerged from the bathroom. First came Yui, who was still buttoning up her shirt, looking a little flustered. Then, just behind her, came Suboshi, who fainted into the cabin, Yui's bra peeking out of his pants. Yui, realizing this (at the same moment everyone else did) grabbed for her undergarment, kicked Suboshi into the aisle, and hurriedly reentered the bathroom to straighten out her clothing. Amiboshi returned his twin to the appropriate seat, then they waited for Yui to rejoin them. When she had, Miaka announced the beginning of the game. Only ten were playing, since Yui and Subi where out, and Chiriko wasn't playing, and Tasuki was too plastered to stand. "Tamahome, you go first," said Miaka. 

"Uhh, three?" said Tama cautiously. Hotohori looked up. 

"I am number three," announced the Emperor. The two went into the bathroom, and emerged 5 minutes later. Both were looking more than a tad disheveled. 

Then Miaka went, after giving Tamahome a questioning look. "One," she piped. Tomo stopped doing his makeup. 

"That would be me," he said with a cackle. Though Miaka looked about to scream in horror, she stepped into the bathroom. The minutes passed, then Tomo emerged, most of his makeup gone. It followed a minute later, all over Miaka's face and blouse. Then she looked around for someone sane. 

"Mitsukake, you go." 

The healer calmly announced, "Five." Amiboshi eeped, but got up and went over to the bathroom. Mitsukake followed. After the appointed 5 minutes, both returned, looking no worse than when they had entered. However, Amiboshi made a beeline for Miaka and lay crying in her arms. 

Next up was Nakago. He calmly announced, "Two." Chichri looked ready to fall on the floor. 

"Ano…I thought you were going to be nice to me na no da!" he cried.

(Y: Yeah, well, I would have, but this is totally random. Sorry, Chiri-chan. I'll make it up to you somehow) 

Chichiri stood and Nakago ushered him into the rather…um…tiny bathroom, shutting the door with a bang_. Some members of the group prematurely buckled their seatbelts, anticipating what was ahead. Sure enough, the plane began bouncing like crazy. Nuriko was good enough to haul Tasuki off the floor and buckle him in, the rest simply hung on for dear life. _

Chichiri emerged first, gasping for air. His shirt was wrapped around his drooping bangs and his kesa was nowhere to be seen…until Nakago tossed it after him. The Seiryuu's shirt…hmm…where was it? Then the group realized Nakago's shirt was hanging out of Chichiri's pants. Chichiri realized it, too, and jumped up and down, trying to pull the offensive item out. When he had, he hurled it in Nakago's direction. Nakago picked it up off the deck and winked at the Suzaku, who looked about ready to throw up. In fact, he did indeed dive for his airsick bag. Nakago calmly returned to his seat and the game resumed. 

Soi spoke. "Number four?" she said. Nuriko grinned. 

Tasuki (who had momentarily regained consciousness) said, "Oy, Nuriko, I thought you were gay!" Nuriko shook his head. 

"Tasuki, haven't you figured it out by now? I'm BI! Not that I need to explain that to you, I'm sure you know ALL about it…" 

"Hey, what're ya implyin'?" he called from the deck. 

"Well, I mean, you an' Kouji, well, I shouldn't say more, but, yet, oh, never mind," Nuriko said. Tasuki, however, had no time to defend himself, as he had lost consciousness. A voice from above took over. 

**(Y: HEY!!! YO, YO, YO!!! NONE OF THAT!!! My Tasuki-chan is straight, end of story!!! Ya hear that, you purple haired big mouth rumor spreading gossip?)**

The seishi nodded obediently and headed for the bathroom. Soi stood, and headed after him. 

They returned in a quite dignified manner, compared to the last couple. However, they were certainly not in pristine order. Nuriko's braid had come undone, as had Soi's hair. The Suzaku's shirt was on backwards and the Seiryuu's makeup (usually immaculate) was horribly smudged. The two returned to their seats, straightening themselves out. As Nuriko returned to his seat, Hotohori leaned over and whispered, "Nuriko, I'm hurt." Nuriko's eyes lit up like fire works on the 4th of July, or Bastille Day, or whatever, and he promptly hit the floor…again. 

When he had picked himself up, he whispered back, "Then I must comfort you, Hotohori-sama," as he pulled the Emperor into his lap like a little child. However, the making out that started in the back row immediately shattered that image. The rest ignored them. 

Nakago surveyed the scene. Amiboshi and Miaka were also making out, as were his twin and the other miko. Tamahome was desperately trying to remove the little tin tube from his butt, but to no avail. Chichiri, Mitsukake, Tama-neko and Chiriko had somehow gotten into a debate over some aspect of German philosophy (Tama-neko was winning, as much as one can in a debate). Tasuki was still passed out, Tomo was still trying to fix his makeup, and Soi was in the bathroom, also trying to fix her makeup. 

Nakago decided things were a little dull, so he looked up. "Naito? I am going to carry out my plan now." 

**(N: Ok, now's a good time). **

Nakago stood, kicked down the door to the cockpit, "evicted" the pilots, switched off the autopilot, and took over the aircraft. For the hell of it, he pulled the plane into a barrel roll. Tasuki, still smashed, didn't notice when he shifted from the floor to the ceiling. The others, however, did. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" yelled the seishi, save the pairs that were STILL making out. Chiriko called over Mitsukake and Chichiri, to formulate a plan to retake the aircraft. Then Nakago, rather enjoying himself, put the plane into a nose dive. 

This fic has a split ending. Choose your favorite! 

Ending 1:

The Suzaku were unable to implement their plan in time, and Nakago was not quite able to be the superior pilot he thought he was. With a big, "Oh, SHI-", this fic ends in a large fireball somewhere in Northern France. BOOOM!!!!!! 

Ending 2:

Two tall figures and one cat appeared at the entrance to the cockpit. Mitsukake carried a baseball bat **(N: Yes, I WAS kind enough to provide one, because I don't want them all to die).** Tama-neko approached the pilot's chair, the potion-dipped cloth in his jaws. Tama-neko jumped on the shogun's head and dropped the cloth in his face, causing Nakago to become momentarily disoriented. Mitsukake came up behind him and broke the baseball bat over his head. Nakago keeled over and was promptly deposited in his seat by the healer as Chichiri took over the controls. He pulled the plane out of it's nose dive, allowed it to regain altitude, then switched on the autopilot and grabbed for the intercom to calm the passengers. "Everyone please remain calm no da. There is nothing to worry about na no da. The situation is completely under control no da." He then switched the radio over to transmit and attempted to calm the freaking out air traffic controllers. 

He allowed the plane's autopilot to bring them into London, then took it off and prepared to land the plane. Chichiri checked the necessary instruments, turned on the radio, and began talking to the air traffic controllers, getting clearance for landing and asking occasional questions. He slowly extended the landing gear, flipped on the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign and blinked it a couple of times, then turned on the intercom. "We are coming in for landing no da. Everyone, please return to your seats and ensure your seatbelt is fastened no da. Cabin crew, take your seats for landing no da." 

Chichiri switched off the intercom and called for Chiriko to join him as his co-pilot. The two seishi carefully circled the plane and brought it in towards the appointed runway. Slowly, Chichiri decreased speed and gently shed his altitude. Suddenly, the ground was upon them, and they hit it...HARD. The plane bounced and seemed like it was going to flip over, but luckily, it did not. The seishi in the cockpit madly flipped switches, doing such important things like controlling the ailerons (flaps on the wings) and the attitude control. Finally, the bouncing ended and the plane entered into a sedate taxi. Cheering could be heard both on the plane and in the control tower. 

The upper deck cabin was in a state of disarray as the plane taxied into the terminal. Nakago was still out cold in his seat, Soi was holding him with one hand and was gripping the armrest for dear life with the other. Tamahome, who had switched seats with Amiboshi, was also gripping the chair for dear life. Amiboshi and Miaka were hanging on to each other, as were Yui and Suboshi, and Hotohori and Nuriko. Mitsukake was sitting calmly, Tama-neko was clinging to his shirt, and Tomo had his head in his airsick bag. Tasuki, for his part, was still dead to the world. Baggage and other loose items littered the aisle after Nakago's insane nose dive. 

The plane sedately arrived at its gate and parked. Chichiri shut down the engines, flipped off the seatbelt sign, said over the intercom, "Cabin crew, doors to manual and cross check no da," and slumped in the pilot's seat, utterly exhausted. Chiriko piped up, "Hip hooray, you're the hero of the day! As Tasuki would say." Chichiri smiled. 

"Couldn't have done it without you no da." 

As he and Chiriko reentered the cabin, Miaka smiled and momentarily detached herself from Amiboshi to stand and say, "Well, everyone, welcome to London!" 

THE END

Disclaimers: You're in for a ride… 

I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the characters, Yuu Watase and Flower Comics do. I don't own British Airways or Boeing, I don't think I could own Narita Airport, I don't own Tom Clancy, Rainbow6, Starbuck's or Frappachino, Sony or Walkman, M&M's, Popular Mechanics, London Heathrow, Surge, Sprite, Coca-Cola, Terminator 2, The Iron Chef, Music from the Heart, Meryl Streep, X-Files or Fight the Future, Firestorm, ER, Speed, Dances with Wolves, Sesame Street, Independence Day, Richie Rich, or Empire of the Sun. If you want to be really anal retentive, I don't own the character of my sister, Ritz, or God, as they own themselves. Please don't sue me, I'm just a wimpy little kid with no money. Thank you.


End file.
